It is time to talk about WWE RAW on February 13th 2012. The Elimination Chamber guys will pair off with one on one matches. Plus Shawn Michaels will be out to have a chat with Triple H and if you can’t get enough of that Kane-Cena feud, this is the show for you. Its now time to review all of the highlights (word used very loosely for this particular show) of WWE RAW 2/13/12
WWE RAW 2/13/12
Kane is in the house last night, and he talks about HATE! All he needs is super radiation, deforestation, smog, and toxins and he can bring Captain Pollution to this show. Yes, I’m making jokes about Captain Planet. That’s the depths this show has brought me.
We have a debate to kick off the show. Well at least it’s not a contract signing. You know what it also isn’t? It isn’t entertaining. John Laurinaitis is still the interim RAW General Manager. Well that was a waste of a storyline. This is going to be like the Anonymous RAW General Manager all over again where there’s going to be no payoff. The Elimination Chamber competitors are out. It’s good to know that R-Truth still hates spiders. Jericho’s performance in Dancing with the Stars is riffed on. The Miz still clings on the fact he was in the main event at Wrestlemania last year, much like Al Bundy scoring four touch downs in one game, but the Miz is on the way down. I’ve had bowel movements that were more entertaining than this segment.
Chris Jericho pinned Kofi Kingston
Solid enough opening match, but the wrestling looks to be mostly an afterthought right now. Jericho scores the win right with the Code Breaker.
Shawn Michaels has entered the building and he hugs Triple H.
Recap of Kane destroying Zack Ryder. Then Zack Ryder is in the house, with John Cena. Cena promises to protect Zack Ryder.
David Otunga and John Laurinaitis are plotting.
Recap of the events of Smackdown between Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton.
Randy Orton defeated the Big Show via disqualification
Both men have a rather meh match, leading to Daniel Bryan interfering for the finish. And then Daniel Bryan lays out both men. If you told me three years ago, that the Big Show and Randy Orton would be laid out by Bryan Danielson, I would have thought you to be insane.
And now here comes the highlight of the show, Shawn Michaels. Just Shawn Michaels. Triple H is called out and the fans are excited. Michaels calls out Triple H on why he didn’t accept the Undertaker’s challenge. Triple H says that it was a business move, the Undertaker is a brand, a commodity. Shawn Michaels suggests that Triple H is a sellout. Triple H says that Shawn doesn’t get it. He makes a comment about how they are the last three left of those who gave it in all. Well that really tells you all you need to know. That was worse than the broomstick comment months back. Triple H declines the challenge and Undertaker shows up, cutting his hair. This segment accomplished only one thing and that’s interest in a Shawn Michaels return to the ring that we aren’t going to see. Not feeling the Undertaker/Triple H thing for the third time at Mania. Especially considering that last year’s match upon second viewing was highly overrated and a third time, one year later, with both men being a year older.
R-Truth pinned Dolph Ziggler
R-Truth pins Ziggler with a cradle, when Ziggler is rolled up. Ziggler is getting one of those pushes where he never wins it seems.
Santino Marella coaches Zack Ryder on the art of romance.
Tamina defeated Brie Bella
A squash to set up Tamina’s upcoming match with Beth Phoenix, with the Superfly Splash getting the pin.
A look at the Rock, a John Cena interview, and Eve Torres runs right into the ambulance. Then Kane and John Cena fight. Kane tries to drive off with Eve but Eve escapes and engages in a bout of tonsil hockey with John Cena. Eve says she just wants to be friends with Zack. Zack is angry. Or hungry, you can never tell with those bad facial expresses. You know, I now have a shrewd idea where I think this might be going. Then again, fifteen years of Vince Russo booking and Russo inspired booking has warped my brain to almost expect that Eve eventually joins up with Kane, in a shocking swerve being the most logical outcome.
CM Punk defeated the Miz
The Miz and Dolph Ziggler=the world’s only main event jobbers. Punk puts on the Anaconda Vice for the tap out to the Miz. Match was fine.
And just in case there were any people still thinking about buying the Elimination Chamber, we have more of the joyous Kane/Cena/Zack/Eve horror movie soap opera of doom. Kane is not pleased that Eve escaped his ambulance so he is back for vengeance. John Cena is out, as I continue to embrace my hate for this entire feud. This is the absolute worst storyline John Cena has ever been in and it might be the worst Kane storyline been in and for Kane that’s saying something given some of the stinkers he’s been in over the years. Katie Vick, the feud with Shane McMahon, the feud with Lita and Matt Hardy, Fake Kane, the Khali Feud, murdering Rey and stealing his mask, the other Khali feud, the 2010 Undertaker feud where he stole the Undertaker’s powers, that abysmal feud that he had with Edge that involved Paul Bearer mannequins, need I go on?
Fans are not too thrilled with John Cena right about now. Zack Ryder is out to confront Cena for stealing his girl. Cena shoves Ryder. Next week, Cena goes after the stunt granny. Kane arrives, promising to do horrible things to Cena. Then Kane decides to destroy Zack Ryder again for the EVILULZ. And that ends the show. What a wretched storyline with horrible acting. It won’t win any Emmy awards, but there’s your 2012 Gooker Award. And if it isn’t, that will mean that there will be a worse storyline than this. And that would suck. This will hopefully teach Zack Ryder about taking the initiative of getting himself over and young WWE superstars should take note. Strive for mediocrity and the status quo. That’s the lesson of the day.
Why You Should Watch WWE RAW 2/13/12
Just watch the Shawn Michaels/Triple H/Undertaker segment and kill the rest of this show with fire.
WWE RAW Results 2/13/12
Chris Jericho pinned Kofi Kingston
Randy Orton defeated the Big Show via disqualification.
R-Truth pinned Dolph Ziggler.
Tamina defeated Brie Bella.
CM Punk defeated the Miz
Past WWE RAW Recaps