Should I get a prenuptial agreement before marriage? If so, why? We’ll be together forever!
There is a lot of debate between couples right before marriage, usually consisting of arguments of whether or not to sign a prenuptial agreement before getting married. After all, there should be no reason if you truly love each other right?
I find that the answer to this question is easy to find. The answer should be that if the love is strong enough, then you shouldn’t need to sign a prenupt, BUT in the event something DID happen, and a divorce came through, there goes half of your stuff. Divorce has been on the rise in recent years, and more and more people try to take their spouse for everything they are worth. Personally, I find it entirely wrong to give someone the power to take anything from their ex-partner for “emotional damages” when most of the time, it is the partner that is taking the stuff that is to blame. Women are statistically more likely to try to take the man’s property than men are, though the opposite does tend to happen as well. It just doesn’t make sense that if the person, man or woman, EARNED the money and property with their own sweat and blood, why should the other person be entitled to take it, when they put no effort into helping build it at all? Even if the spouse has cheated on them, what makes them entitled to everything that they are worth? Once again, they have NOT earned the money, the spouse has earned it all; yet in our society, it occurs more often that divorce tends to leave one person that had everything, and leave them with nothing. Even in divorces where both partners make equal amount, the stuff between them is never divided equally, and statistically speaking, the woman does tend to get a bigger share of said stuff. I am not saying it only happens with women though, as I’ve seen quite a few divorces where the stuff is divided either equally or the man gets more.
I’m sure we all know someone who has had a divorce; maybe they didn’t take everything from their ex like some couples do. Good for them! Now I can see if, in a divorce, one partner takes SOME money so they can stand on their own feet when they leave, but why should the woman(usually a woman, sometimes a man, too) be given the house, car, and money she did not earn(or he did not earn)? I’ve heard the “emotional damage” argument several times, but that shouldn’t come into play in most cases. Most cases, taking all of your ex’s stuff is going to cause even more “emotional damage” than you have felt. The idea of a divorce is to break free from a terrible situation, not cause another one. I have seen a relationship where the woman did not marry the man for love, but for convenience. He went off to fight a war, and while he was gone, she cheated on him while taking the money he was sending home to her. He found out and filed for divorce, yet in the divorce, she still gets to keep a good portion of the money that he earns. Personally, I think that the amount of property or funds received in a divorce should be only debated in special cases, where one person was abusive towards the partner, or something else along those lines, such as what I have listed above. In these cases, there was obviously some emotional, as well as physical, damage, and the one injured should definitely be given something for compensation, and the abusive partner should be thrown in jail, or stripped or their ownership.
I tried to make this argument with a friend a while back, and they were completely against what I am saying. I don’t mind a different viewpoint than my own, and frankly, I don’t care if most people don’t see it this way. What I find equally disturbing is what my friend told me about their family. In this family, the father makes literally ALL of the money, and yet is not allowed to spend a penny of it unless he asks his wife. Now I can see this to an extent, in a relationship, you should have to consult each other before making any large purchases, but for one person to dictate all of the spending that goes in or out, I find ridiculous. I can see if you randomly go out and buy a car, and drive it home; that would probably cause a lot of stress. But in this situation, the father wanted to pay for his daughter’s first year’s tuition at college, yet the mother would not let him. I could also see if she told him no because they couldn’t afford it, but this family is pulling in over $200,000 each year, and tuition was only about $4,000 for the first year. She told me that if he was to spend his own money that HE EARNED himself, that it would cause a fight between the mother and father. I find this, for lack of a better word, stupid, on all levels. Basically, a divorce is constantly looming in families like this where one person has complete control over all the finances, regardless of who earned it. My friends parents have not divorced, but she has threatened it when he tries to spend his own money without consulting her.I understand that consulting a partner is important in any relationship, but there is a big difference between consultation and dictation, a line that has become so paper-thin in our modern society, that it is practically non-existent.
Getting back on topic now, what is the purpose of signing a prenuptial agreement? A prenuptial agreement basically says that there is a divide in the property and money, and in case of a divorce, the couple can only take out what they put into the marriage. Whatever she earned she keeps, same goes for the men. Many will say that if you truly love the person, you shouldn’t have to worry about it. They go on to argue that if you plan on getting it signed, then you also plan on a divorce. This is, perhaps, a very good argument. There is only one problem with it: if they threaten to not marry you if you make them sign the prenupt, chances are that they were planning a divorce of their own. Of course, this is not always the case, some people just like old-fashioned marriages. Personally, i would still not take chances. Even if you know your partner very well, there is nothing at all wrong with getting them to sign a prenuptial agreement, as it will not only protect your property in case of a divorce, but it will also protect theirs. Is it selfish to want to protect your stuff? It is pretty selfish, but it could save you in the long run. With divorce increasing, almost at 50% of all marriages by now, chances are you will know at least someone that has lost everything in the divorce at some point in your life. Let’s just hope that the person who lost everything isn’t you. Signing a prenupt isn’t anti-love; who knows how you will feel about your partner down the road. You may want to hurt them later on in a divorce, even if you swear you love them with all your heart now. If you truly love them now, and they truly love you, if either of you is asked to sign a prenupt, there should be no hard feelings between the couple. To me, it sounds like it would show your love even more, because it shows that you are not after them for what they are worth.
I know this is quite controversial topic, and I usually tend to steer clear of these types of topics; however, this particular one has been on my mind for quite some time. I would love to hear your opinions on the matter. If you disagree, please tell me in a respectful manner, as I try not to give any disrespect to anyone, and even if you do give disrespect, you probably won’t change my opinion on the matter anyway. If anyone feels insulted by this article, I do apologize. Thanks for reading.