Is it Friendship or Love..???

Raghav and I were friends from the time when we ourselves didnt know what friendship was. His friendship was the only world for me. Be it playing, studying, laughing, fighting,he was a part of each one of it.

We were in the same school, perhaps in the same classroom. All our classmates used to tease us for being together all the time but for us it was like a background music (hardly affecting us) until we grew up as teenagers. As teenagers it became quite annoying to be together all the time and to answer million questions of the people around as we were friends, just friends.

Our friendship was too special for us. It was like a pride. We are "inseperable" ,thats what we promised to each other. This kind of friendship was very rare to be seen those days and I think this was the reason why people felt jealous of us especially girls as Raghav was so hot.

Soon I realized that we completed each other. Our families knew about our friendship very well so there was no question of worrying until one day when my mom called me for a chat.

It was quite unusual. She asked me a straight forward question ,"Is it friendship or love..???"

I was quiet for about half a minute, surprised to her question as I never asked this question to myself before rather never given a thought to it.

But then I replied confidently, "Yes mom, we are friends,good friends only".
She just smiled and moved her hand on my face. She is the best mom in the world even if I would have said that Raghav and I were more than friends she would not have reacted the way other moms generally do.

While returning from her room though the question was repeatedly coming to my mind but I didnt think about it much.

After finishing our school, we took admission in the same college as decided. College life is a new life in itself. Things started changing soon and the big thing was I started to feel that change.

Raghav became very popular in college and especially among girls as I told he was very hot. I never felt jealous of these stupid girls ever before but this time I did as he was getting carried away by them. I felt as if something was pulling me away from him.

Every day I used to wait for him during lunch as I never had my lunch without him but he never came and whenever he used to come, at the end of the day
there was hardly any expression of guilt on his face.

It was useless to complain anything to him as he could not even read my face now something he did so well.

I felt left out somewhere. I loved him but could not tell him... and how could I when I never saw that love in his eyes for me even the childhood love was lost somewhere. Secondly, I didnt want to let my love be the reason for his hatred.

That day I realized that relationships hurt more than anything in this world.

It became very difficult for me to survive this way by seeing him each day in front of my eyes and acting like strangers.

Soon I left my college without leaving any message for him.

Today when I read this diary of mine I have nothing other than tears in my eyes. And today when I think upon my mom's question "Is it friendship or love..???"

I just say," I am left with none!"