Women who marry men with kids never wish to become evil stepmothers. Despite their determination to cherish the children like their own, remorseful days finally arrived for some strange reasons. Stuck in depression, stepmothers constantly judge themselves for becoming hateful people and wonder how they can put a stop to it!
By adopting these seven essential ways, you are likely to nurture your loving acceptance towards your stepchildren:
1. In the first few years, put maternal responsibilities aside and take time to get to know them as you would when you first meet new friends. Recognize that unconditional love doesn’t grow out of reasoning.
2. Demand a lot of romance from your husband. Ask for at least four hugs per day. During conflicts, kindly tell him that you appreciate being heard and understood, at least.
3. Rather than keeping silent, inform your husband about your harmless expectations of “thank-you”, apologies and greetings from your stepchildren and how important mutual recognitions are to you. Recognize your worth and acknowledge that you deserve to be appreciated and respected.
4. Asking the kids' help with chores should come from a place of worthiness, not resentment. Rather than ordering them to wash their dishes, acknowledge that you don’t have to do everything yourself and that you deserve for help. Be sure to acknowledge and thank them in return.
5. Do not drop your hobbies and personal needs during their presence. Most stepmothers claim that they detest their stepkids’ annoying behaviors, but in reality, such resentment has to do with your own self-neglect during the children’s visit.
6. Never take your wickedness seriously. Accept that when you're a stepmother, it is fine and it is funny to be ‘wicked’ at times. Making room for your inner-wickedness does not make you evil. Instead, it cultivates your self-acceptance, which leads you to accepting your stepchildren.
7. Most importantly, pray for a loving heart and the ability to understand the kids beyond their aloofness and unloving behaviors.
The key to accepting and unconditional loving your stepkids is to provide the acceptance and loving kindness to yourself. Above all, never frustrate yourself for not able to love your stepkids like a real mother. Instead, acknowledge that while you may resent them sometimes, you do want what’s best for them. This is a unique kind of love that only a stepmother can provide.